Abuse survivors and the need to control

Many common themes run through the lives of those who have suffered trauma in early childhood. Feelings of being out of control- issues in fact with control itself, are very common. Many survivors “pretend” they are stronger, more assertive and more in control than they actually feel… this mask gives a false sense of safety and security. Because it’s a facade, the pain of what happened is exacerbated by the mask that needs to be worn all the time. It’s an exhausting circle of hide and seek with the self and others.

Some people decide to grasp control through extensive discipline and reproach. Limiting of nutrients and sustenance through diet and exercise is a common way that unresolved issues with control manifest. ….Anorexia, bulimia, cutting, bruising…. all coping mechanisms meant to give this false sense of safety.

While the root of the issue with control is the silence that abuse engenders; the very idea of “speaking up” is difficult for some; especially if this method was tried before but the message fell on deaf ears.

Parents and loved ones don’t always deny an abuse story because they don’t believe it- the denial comes from their own sense of guilt and shame from being the person who “allowed it to happen”.

Denial and/or the lack of support-full understanding from those close create the feeling of a deficit within the abused person which leads to the desire to “replicate and change” the outcome of the abuse and subsequent reactions to the abuse by replaying it in present day situations with the hope that they are finally “good enough” to attain a different result. This is a self defeating exercise.

Trying to change a toxic situation into a positive one only fuels and triggers the toxicity already present. To change the situation, one must move from it.

Healing from trauma is a process that is constantly spiraling back to itself. We reach new levels of understanding as we revisit the pain to gain the extra wisdom hidden within.

We can only reach others as deeply as we reach ourselves. Survivors are the deepest healers because they have had to reach deep within themselves, to the darkest spots; soothing them with loving kindness, compassion, joy and freedom (the four elements of love).

~acknowledge, accept, release, repeat~

If you are a survivor looking for more, looking for a place of safety within yourself, looking for a divine purpose…. find your breathe… silence your mind… and allow the universe to reside inside.

With love
Erin

Your inner healer 🌱

My mission is to help ease suffering from long standing secrets, traumas and pain.

Healing begins from within. We all need to find the space to release childhood traumas, inaccurate thought tracks and dis-ease

The Intuitive Healing session (which includes reiki and intuitive card reading) can help you find clarity; as the universe shows you what you need to see to embrace your divine grace and peace.

These healing sessions combined with meditation and ritual can help you maintain your connection to your divine higher self. Maintaining the space that allows for clarity is key to unlocking your inner healer and reaching deeper into self love.

It’s time to let go of suffering, unload your burdens so you can embrace the peace, stability, joy and love you deserve. You have within you the keys to unlock the hidden places within you now.

You are not alone.

Message from the oracle

The present is ripe for healing. Energy is flowing and messages from our guides are getting through now. Let go of what was…. change is brining in new ways of being and becoming. You must take the time to acknowledge all your sides- not just the “good” “happy” things- but also the pain and suffering that lingers within you. This is where you will gain your wisdom at this time.

Thoughts on healing

Interesting…. while we honor our mothers today, it’s important to also honor our own journey. The faults of others play out within our lives as we heal from childhood. Our mothers may not have been perfect, we may not be perfect as mothers, but we can continue on the journey of healing by accepting and releasing what does not serve us. It’s time to remove the cords that connect us to childhood perceptions played upon us by other souls also in the process of healing.

~Love to all~

Not enough

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Have you ever felt this, this being “not enough”?

Fear sits inside us, creating strain and stress for us, due to this concept of being “not enough”. We worry because we fear that we cannot do a thing required of us. We worry, we fear, because we have this message of being “not enough” playing in the back of our minds drowning out the music, the words, the silence that longs for us and calls to us from within.

What is “not enough”? Why does this feeling of lack plague us so? The ego is a varied thing. It is a fragile thing. It is an emotional thing. Like a storm, the ego can fly into a situation and wreck it. The ego gets hurt, it’s sensitive and it holds a grudge. The problem is that the ego, sometimes, deals with trauma and loss by echoing the trauma and loss back to it. It gets stuck in a loop, unable to remove itself from the boundaries of itself; spinning and spinning within the pain of the trauma until the body is damaged by the wild spinning energy… we are like a stone, and the ego when pulsating anger, pain and hate spins and spins until it wears us away; wears down our resolve and understanding.

To cope with this spinning, we turn to thoughts to escape the pain of this storm that we can no longer control, but which is a part of us none the less. And this thinking, it plays into the hands of our swollen ego, our hurt ego, our traumatized ego because it furthers our focus on it, by our intense desire to be away from it. It’s a polarity pull… we go one way to avoid a thing and the more we pull away, the more we draw ourselves near it. Escaping into thought merely ensures that we are still focused and fueling.

This cycle of “not enough”, the worry that we are lacking, plays out in our relationships with our partners, children, parents; it dictates how we deal with criticism, doubt, ill will. Our bodies begin to break down, we get sick, we get depressed, we get angry, we feel hopeless. Our bodies are playing and replaying the messages that our hurt and bruised ego are screaming. Stress, strain, pain, worry, lack of focus, lack of desire, anger… a deep pit into which we sink; a cypher of misery keeping us from our true self, from the history and messages that lie just beneath the ego.

The fear that binds us, the fear of being “not enough” is an illusion. Everyone one of us is enough. We all have exactly what we need to fulfill our purpose here. All of us, have divine within us; an ocean of deep dark divine lingering below the ego, below the pain, below the fear. This deep reserve of silence houses the secrets of our soul and our soul’s purpose on earth. It is our job here, to move through the ego so that we can reach the darkness within us. Our job is to move through the storm, through the pain, through the fear; knowing that the concept of “not enough” is false- an illusion, a falsehood given to us by our early experiences so that we could grow. We need to let go of the falsehoods and embrace the vast universe that lies within.

blessings and peace 🕉