Pisces season was draining this year; it was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting for me. There were times that I felt such a heaviness over me I couldn’t breathe.
Shame was my companion for most of it. I have been asked to put my arm around her and tell her that it will be okay. I can no longer hide her in the shadows in hopes that she will remain silent. Incorporation of what she represents is vital to my continued growth so even it if feels “bad” I am allowing her space to be.
For the Vernal Equinox I took a journey into Shame’s energy. She led me to the apartment complex where I grew up. Below the apartment rooms were garages. I saw her there, between garages, screaming at a chair that was empty. She was yelling, “You Never Loved Me!” among other angry obscenities. I could feel her pain- it hurt.
As I watched this scene unfold I realized that I was simply yelling at an empty chair. Sure, at any given time there could have been any number of people sitting in that chair fully deserving my wrath, but those people no longer exist in my life and I was left just yelling at the emptiness of what was.
This profound vision links to a deeper message. I have spent many, many years of my life- unconsciously screaming at that empty chair. Continuously reminding myself that I am Unloved. The echoes of this energy has drained me on a deep level and has continued to scar me long after the damage of those people who sat in that chair fully deserving of my anger have passed on.
So, today at the New Moon, I set my intention to relieve my duty in guarding and harassing that chair. I allow myself to release the pain that has kept me stuck in the constant reminder of my “lack” and I choose to walk away- to reallocate the energy spent in remembering the chair to endeavors that feed and fuel my soul.
It is time to allow the fire of Aries season to cleanse us- to release us from the patterns we carry that are no longer serving us.
Saturn will remain in Pisces for 3 years. During this time, the planet of restriction and limitation, will be assisting us in the deep dive into our own dark places so we may be renewed with remembered wisdom.
Embrace the path and let go of all your empty chairs.
It was just an empty chair
I was yelling at the space it held
“You never loved me!”
Any number of men
Could have been sitting there
But it was empty
And I was just trapped by time