Nine of Swords crossed by Five of Swords
The argument you are having right now is with yourself. You are making things harder on yourself with this constant spinning of thought and ego based emotions (fear, anxiety, need to control). Release yourself from the hold the ego may be having- for these judgements that you are making of yourself are not assisting you in seeing the big picture. It is time to let go of the judgement of “should” or “not enough”; to let go of the need to control a situation so that you can manage the feelings associated with it; to let yourself have a break from ego driven thought and gain the space that you need to find the answers you seek… This constant judgement and self recrimination are not helping you at this time… try to release with compassion and loving kindness.