Not enough

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Have you ever felt this, this being “not enough”?

Fear sits inside us, creating strain and stress for us, due to this concept of being “not enough”. We worry because we fear that we cannot do a thing required of us. We worry, we fear, because we have this message of being “not enough” playing in the back of our minds drowning out the music, the words, the silence that longs for us and calls to us from within.

What is “not enough”? Why does this feeling of lack plague us so? The ego is a varied thing. It is a fragile thing. It is an emotional thing. Like a storm, the ego can fly into a situation and wreck it. The ego gets hurt, it’s sensitive and it holds a grudge. The problem is that the ego, sometimes, deals with trauma and loss by echoing the trauma and loss back to it. It gets stuck in a loop, unable to remove itself from the boundaries of itself; spinning and spinning within the pain of the trauma until the body is damaged by the wild spinning energy… we are like a stone, and the ego when pulsating anger, pain and hate spins and spins until it wears us away; wears down our resolve and understanding.

To cope with this spinning, we turn to thoughts to escape the pain of this storm that we can no longer control, but which is a part of us none the less. And this thinking, it plays into the hands of our swollen ego, our hurt ego, our traumatized ego because it furthers our focus on it, by our intense desire to be away from it. It’s a polarity pull… we go one way to avoid a thing and the more we pull away, the more we draw ourselves near it. Escaping into thought merely ensures that we are still focused and fueling.

This cycle of “not enough”, the worry that we are lacking, plays out in our relationships with our partners, children, parents; it dictates how we deal with criticism, doubt, ill will. Our bodies begin to break down, we get sick, we get depressed, we get angry, we feel hopeless. Our bodies are playing and replaying the messages that our hurt and bruised ego are screaming. Stress, strain, pain, worry, lack of focus, lack of desire, anger… a deep pit into which we sink; a cypher of misery keeping us from our true self, from the history and messages that lie just beneath the ego.

The fear that binds us, the fear of being “not enough” is an illusion. Everyone one of us is enough. We all have exactly what we need to fulfill our purpose here. All of us, have divine within us; an ocean of deep dark divine lingering below the ego, below the pain, below the fear. This deep reserve of silence houses the secrets of our soul and our soul’s purpose on earth. It is our job here, to move through the ego so that we can reach the darkness within us. Our job is to move through the storm, through the pain, through the fear; knowing that the concept of “not enough” is false- an illusion, a falsehood given to us by our early experiences so that we could grow. We need to let go of the falsehoods and embrace the vast universe that lies within.

blessings and peace 🕉

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